Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
