Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize