he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
