can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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