I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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