The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize