what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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