Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
