you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize