I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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