Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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