Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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