ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's rum buckets o'clock
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
