i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
