I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
