that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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