remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
