so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
