Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
