Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
