dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize