I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
