It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
