MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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