Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
