The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
