your thong is hanging out like whoa
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize