and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
