@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
