it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
