Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
