Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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