When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
