Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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