For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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