so that wasnt chicken after all
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
