Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
