She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
