i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
