On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
