I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
