I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
