Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
