my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
