dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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