i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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