He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
