Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
