Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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