i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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