u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
