I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
being pregnant is like rehab
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
