Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
