Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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