Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
