she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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