i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
