i would punch a child for taco bell
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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