We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
