I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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