I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
