based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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