i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize