On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
