I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm having to shit out rocks
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