Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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