you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
