His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
