Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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