bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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