im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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