my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
