Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
