My first STD was from a foam party
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
