there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize