he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize