Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
