i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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