I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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