I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
