I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
