The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
