Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Randomize
