I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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