that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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