I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
