Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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