everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
