i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize