Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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