Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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